Tuesday, January 30, 2007

An Interesting Friday...

Apparently, growing up means you have to lose your sense of modesty.

Take Friday, for example. I spent the morning at a routine doctor's appointment and then followed up with trying on wedding dresses, and all told, I was naked in front of no less than three people by day's end. Which is two to three people more than usual. And four more people than I would prefer.

You know how the doctor's thing goes...you sit there and make awkward conversation while you get checked for lumps in various places and they do the "well woman" exam (which I'll leave to your imagination). The doctor's doing her thing while the whole time you're thinking, "I'm freezing!" and "Is it OK to leave my socks on?" and "Hurry up, I'd rather be jabbing my eye with a pencil."

Like I said, modesty has to be put out of your mind as you get older. At the dress shop, I had to stand there in nothing but my skivvies as gown after gown was pulled over my head. Which was not that bad, considering it was fun to try on different dresses, but there's a certain awkwardness in just standing there with no clothes on, trying to hold a conversation and having the lady tell you you're "tiny" in the bust area. Super.

To go off on a tangent: As if I hadn't already experienced enough uncomfortable moments that day, the doctor decided to flush my right ear. She made it sound like a 2-minute process that would be no big deal. OK, I would NEVER recommend getting this, unless you're going Beethoven deaf. Basically, it was 5-7 minutes of having a syringe full of water and peroxide pumped into my ear with the force of a mini firehose. It was super uncomfortable -- didn't hurt, but it was one of the weirdest feelings I've experienced -- and by the end, the whole front of my shirt was wet. I'm not sure I even really needed the flushing, but the doctor wanted to do it to be safe. Egad, just recalling the whole thing makes me cringe.

But back to the issue of modesty: Luckily I was clothed during the flushing process. And at least I did finally find and get a dress. All it cost me was a $20 co-pay and three birthday suits. Sheesh.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Fun stuff

Not sure how true these are (and I haven't devoted any time to researching them), but interesting nonetheless. Someone forwarded them to me in an e-mail.

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In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression: "OK, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the bigwig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor Occasionally, a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "chairman" or "chairman of the board."

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face, she was told, "Mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced," wore a tightly tied lace.

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards -- but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TVs or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "you go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion, and thus we have the term "gossip."

One more: Bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannonballs. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on 16. Thus, a supply of 30 cannonballs could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem . . . how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "monkey," with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "brass monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Spam, Bam, Thank You Ma'am

As if I need to do any more to convince you that I spend all day fielding calls and e-mails from crazies, here's an e-mail a staffer forwarded me yesterday. And yes, it's spam. But read it! The thing gives me a headache just trying to get through the first sentence.

Dear Editor,
It's My Pleasure to informed about the advert of my little baby Yorkie which is avalaible for Nice Home in to be in your paper so let me know the price to schedule the advert for 4 weeks and also my ad line in Include too for the price to Quotes Me On including the Mailing Address.
=========================================
Text; FEMALE Yorkie Terrier suit for Nice Home She so Nice and playful.She for Only for a Nice Home. contact xxxxx@yahoo.com =========================================
Mailing Address
Name Karen Scott
xxxx Southwest Freeway, Suite 600,
Houston, Texas 77098
=========================================
So i will be waiting to read from you soonest and the Price so that i can be able to proceed with the pre-payment information such as credit card account details..
Thanks And God Bless You.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Movie Monday...

We've got a news theme goin' on today...


I can't stop laughing about this one!



Here's a related bit...



And this comes out of nowhere! Yep, it was on live TV.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Holy crap!

What is this world coming to?

And then there's this!

And this!!!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Am I Hearing Wedding Bells, or Voices?

Man, Blogger was being weird for a while there.

Anyway, guess what I found out? Planning a wedding is hard work! What I wanna know is...some places list their capacity as (for example) 100 for a standing reception, 50 for seated dining...who the heck is going to have a 4-hour reception where everyone has to stand?! Also, is there anything BUT seated dining? Does one not usually sit whilst eating? I find these conventions odd.

Also, I think I should start a wedding company/venue that features an EASY to navigate Web site, all the info up front, and clear, visible contact information. I hate going to some site that tap dances around all the details. I work and have to spend most of my phone time fielding calls from crazies...I don't have that many spare moments to call someplace and get all the details and sales pitch over the phone, just to determine whether we want to go there to look at the place. We don't have time to peruse 5 million places, either. Just tell me how much, what's included, and what I can customize. It's that simple!

Sigh. I hope I'm not bald by wedding day. Lulu, please to send me your mailing address and The Man's full name. Either gmail or work account is fine. Thanks. :0)

Ooo...veri word = smenita

Friday, January 05, 2007

Fun!

Dave Barry's right, who needs work when you have this?

Then again, I don't have THIS much time.

Happy weekend!

fvuffrsy

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

What Kind of Example is This to Our Children??

This merits very little introduction. Alls ya need to know is it's Tara Reid counting down from 60 to 1 on New Year's Eve.

Goshdarnit, it won't let me embed the video. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkoJR7xOE6Q.