Thank You, Mr. Stating the Obvious

Originally posted May 8, 2006

OK, so I just ate a pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Yes, I know this is bad, but we bought the special Gluttony size at Costco, so someone has to eat 'em. There are starving children in Rwanda who would be very angry if I didn't. How can I let down the poor children of Rwanda?! That would be selfish.

Anyway, after I was done devouring the confections, I noticed the wrapper said, "Candy is a treat. Please consume in moderation."

Thank you, Hershey's, for printing this advisorial tidbit on the INSIDE of the wrapper. That's like if I decided to manufacture rum, and printed "Rum is good, but don't drink the entire bottle or else!" on the bottom of the inside of the bottle.

Or crack pipes, and I printed "Just say no to crack!" on the inside of the pipe. Come to think of it, "Just say no to crack" would be ironic no matter WHERE I put it on a crack pipe.

And what is this "candy is a treat" business? Yeah, duh, that's why it's CANDY. Again, using the rum example, I'd have to print "Rum is alcohol" on my labels. Are there people who don't know this stuff?

Maybe the wrappers should read, "Candy is a treat. It's un-American to eat just one."

That's it...I'm going into the candy advertising business. My first target audience: Amish rap concerts.