Any Way You Look at it, Spam Sucks

Originally posted April 21, 2006

One can only assume that the point of spam is to get you to open a questionable e-mail and fall prey to some sort of scheme, right?

OK, so if your entire existence depends on duping poor souls with spams, don't you think you should spell shit correctly to get people to open them?

I am in no way advocating spam. The amount I get on a daily basis is ridiculous. Luckily, my work set us up with separate spam accounts, which filter out the offending e-mails (and, occasionally, a few non-offending ones...but that's a different story). And, I just happen to think spammers suck dirt.

However, I can't help but laugh whenever I rifle through my spam account to make sure nothing slipped through. "We can cure desease!" Yes, the spelling of "desease" makes me feel very secure about opening this e-mail. Not to mention looks totally professional. How about, "Do you need Vigara?" Um, yeah, if you're going to pimp Viagra, learn how to spell it. Otherwise, we're not only thinking "what a f*cking idiot spammer," but also "I bet he's hawking poisoned Viagra."

Anyway, that's all I have to say today. If you're looking to enter the spamming field, arm yourself with a dictionary. Please. At least you won't mangle the English language while conning people.

And oh yeah, one last thing. What's with those spams that read like the left side of a page ripped out of a book? (I'm making this example up.) "Wilson walked over to the bookshelf. 'How dare you!' he screamed. Desiree dropped the candlestick. robot grabbed the tray, whiskey spilling everywhere. 'Great, that was a new floor,' Wilson said. until she put her hand on the table, exhaling all her nervousness and saying, 'I didn't mean to do it, he said he'd kill me.' Wilson stared over her head, focusing intently on the shadow outside the window. crawled inside, tracking mud behind him..."

You get the idea. What is that crap all about? Same question for those ones that are just a bunch of random words run together, like "subsequent inferior blastoma pipette existentialism quandary carousel mediation physical dilapidation sonorous cacophony plebian documentation establishmentarianism."

WTF, people, W...T...F. Seriously.

Also, the food Spam is disgusting. Have I said that before?