American Crackhead

Originally posted April 5, 2006

For lack of anything philosophical or politically correct today, may I just say that

PAULA ABDUL IS ON FRIGGING CRACK.

Thank you. What the heck is up with this woman? She has been steadily declining in speaking and mental skills since season 1 of "American Idol." Half the time I find myself saying, "What the $#*&! is she talking about?" Her comments will start out with, "You know, you did a really good job tonight. You look fantastic, I loved the song, and you're just fab...I...touchdown! You are the most original person I know and you keep it real, so keep keepin' it real. For real." Meanwhile, Simon's rolling his eyes because he must be realizing that Paula is some sort of fembot.

I don't know what causes Paula's comments to deteriorate into complete incomprehension (I forgot to mention the five different body postures she'll assume while doling out her critiques), but the only culprit I can safely assume is behind this phenomenon is crack. One too many parties with Whitney there, hun. Please save the last 5 IQ points and put the pipe down.

Even just last night Ryan Seacrest said something like, "Someone at that table has a flask." Simon and Randy laughed. Paula had a dead-serious look about her. Oops...guess Ryan found you out, P! What a cold-hearted snake.

Of course I'm not saying Idol is the smartest show on TV...but c'mon, they had to pick a friggin' fruit loop to be the only female voice of authority on it?

I think that....I....original....purple...purple-red...touchdown! Great job, Paula.

Dom commented: ha, ha, ha! kimmy's funny! by the way, i think its time to shave 'cause you're lookin' a little hairy in your profile pick there... and your ears are awfully pointy!

NIAO, NIAO.

Kim commented: PFFFAHAHAHAHAHA!! Niao. Hey, what can I say, I'm just showing off my natural Portugee features.

Mrs. Duhamel commented: There was controversy over this last season. Apparently she was on this weird medication for her neck that was making her all loopy like and everyone was all like oh she's on drugs!!! I saw the True Hollywood Story on her, she's for real!!! LOL!

Kim commented: That's even worse. At least crack would be an excuse!