Little Shop of Horrors

It almost took my breath away. There I was, standing in line today at the Pleasanton Wal-Mart, when I saw her.

The customer from hell.

She used to come through my line at Movies 7 when I was a concessionist, and later decided we were some sort of pals when I became a manager. "Kim, can you please catch my popcorn as it falls from the kettle?" I can still see her gnarled face glued on to that 5-foot frame. Her calling me by first name made me feel violated. I shuddered whenever I saw her walk through the door. She didn't want the popcorn to touch anything but the bag, so I wasn't allowed to use the scoop or get any popcorn that had already fallen into the popper. Hence, it always took about 10 minutes to collect a full large bag of corn for this wench.

So, when I saw her today, I literally cringed. "OMG! I remember her!" I thought.

It seems that people rarely change. This is no exception.

First, she hailed an employee and made them open a register that wasn't being used. Then she made the employee wipe down the conveyor belt thing about three times. I looked into her cart and saw it was lined with plastic bags so her merchandise wouldn't have to actually touch anything the cart was made of. Next, after the ceremonial wiping down of the conveyor, she laid new plastic bags down on top of the belt. Then her goods.

I have heard my sister talk of the nightmare germophobes who come through her line at Whole Foods. Some of them want to swipe their own groceries. Some make you use disinfectant between ringing up each item. Some want you to wear gloves. Etc. So I wasn't all that surprised to see that Customer From Hell (CFH) didn't want a case of the nasties from Wal-Mart.

However. What is the use when you're buying A BUNCH OF CLEANING PRODUCTS. Yes, ladies and gents, her pile of loot consisted of Tilex, Comet, sponges, and other various cleaning sundries. Why do you care if your Tilex gets germs on it? That is, like, the whole purpose of Tilex. I....am....boggled.

In short, I was reminded today that people are weird. I'm glad I'm not one of them.

Ha.

And by the way, CFH, wig looks really bad. Really. Really. Bad.