Mind-Boggler

First, I just noticed that the word "boggler" is an anagram of "blogger." Weird.

Anyway, I was just wondering this last night: You know how we have all these "win a trip to Hawaii" contests? Well, um, what's the prize in Hawaii??

Is it like, "Win a trip down the block!"? Or "Win a trip to your own backyard!"? How much would that suck? I know if I won the "Win a trip to your balcony in Hayward!" contest, I'd be ready to throw myself off said balcony, witnessed only by three half-dying potted geraniums and a crackhead house full of neighbors.

Are the contests different in Hawaii then? Like, "Win a trip to Delaware!" Or "Win a trip to the Canadian Yukon!" Or "Win a trip to Idaho!" After living in Hawaii, those trips would be like drinking moldy pond water. Boring and unpleasant.

Gasp, I just thought of this, do they even have contests at all?? What if life in Hawaii is so exciting that they don't need anything better offered? How could you top a daily existence of living in the land of beaches anyway? Perhaps a Caribbean cruise? But then that would just be more beaches. Hmm. I'm running out of ideas here. I am stunned that perhaps there is nothing that could be offered, except for a trip to Europe or something... but how many corporations are going to shell out beaucoup bucks just because someone in Hawaii happened to find the magic gray Dorito?

OK, a co-worker just suggested a trip to New York City for those unfortunate Hawaiians. Yeah, because after watching the sunset in Kauai, I'd definitely want to watch a gay bum pee outside a transvestite disco club in Manhattan. Ah, land of the free, home of the brave. At least, those brave enough to visit NYC after spending a lifetime walking barefoot in Waikiki with an unlimited supply of pina coladas.

Life just ain't fair in Hawaii. Apparently, no one's cutting them a break. I propose starting a "Free Hawaii!" campaign. Let's get some contests going for them.