It All Comes Down to $5.49

Originally posted Nov. 9, 2005

Yet another old-as-dirt lady called me today. The call went something like this:

OLD LADY: "Yes, is this the Hayward office?"

K: "Yes, it is."

OL: "OK, it's not the Oakland office, is it?"

K: "Nope. You've reached Hayward."

OL: "OK, you have a computer in front of you, right?"

K: "Sure do."

OL: "OK, this is Mrs. So-and-so at (insert address here). I'm calling because I've been subscribing for decades, always paying on time, and I recently received a call from a collector who said I owe your company $5.49. I don't know why this is. Can you look it up in your computer and tell me?"

K: "I'm sorry, I don't have access to records like that. I'm in the news department...I handle story tips and ideas, reporters..."

OL: "Ohhhh...well, you can't look it up for me?"

K: "I'm sorry, I have nothing to do with that. I can give you to the head of the circulation department if you want."

OL: "NO! Is he in Oakland?"

K: "Yes...that's where those things are based."

OL: "No, I already talked to Oakland this morning. It didn't help. I thought that by calling the Hayward office, you could help me."

K: "I wish I could, but I just don't have access to that information."

At this point, Old Lady starts in on her life story...blah blah blah husband of 53 years...blah blah...he never touches the paper but she reads it every day...blah blah blah...daughter in Dublin...etc. I swear, 20 minutes goes by.

And everything kept coming back to the $5.49. She persisted on it, saying if she got another bill for $5.49, she would cancel her subscription. I'm tuning in and out now, throwing in the occasional "uh huh" or "mm" before I finally sense she's winding down. "The bottom line is, I don't want to pay the $5.49."

She actually wasn't hostile or unfriendly about it...which made me feel bad that she wasted 20 minutes on talking to someone who just simply can't help her. I mean, at this point, $5.49 is my whole paycheck!

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Before I sign off, you absolutely MUST check this Web site out:

www.venganza.org

Ryan informs me they are increasingly being called "Pastafarians." Regardless of whether it's real or fake, it's pretty damn funny!