Funk-tified

Originally posted Sept. 29, 2005

I do the NYT crossword puzzle every day. Well, I try, anyway. You can almost forget about Fridays. It takes a friggin' member of Mensa to finish those. And I'm not in the office on the weekends, so I never take a stab at Saturday or Sunday. You can pretty much guarantee that by Wednesdays, I'll only get half the puzzles filled in. They're hard!

Anyway, so as I was flogging my brain to come up with answers to today's clues, I came across 52-down, "Publisher Funk of Funk and Wagnalls." Criminy, I should know that, I thought. I started to write in "Allen." But wait...that's Allen FUNT, not Allen Funk. Who the hell is Allen Funt?, I queried internally. Oh yeah, that guy from "Candid Camera"! Allen Funt from "Candid Camera." But Funk and Wagnalls...there's a TV reference there...what is it, I wondered. Suddenly, my mind flashed to old "Laugh-In" reruns..."Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls!"

Then I started thinking about other "Laugh-In" catch phrases. "You bet your sweet bippy!" Or how about, "Here come de judge." Or my favorite, "Verrrrrrry intereshting...but shtupid." (Must be said with a German accent.)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a bona fide example of my tangential thinking process. It's also a testament to how much Nick at Nite my sister and I watched when we were younger. I'm serious...I used to be into all these shows most people my age have either never heard of or never seen. The Donna Reed Show; Car 54, Where Are You?; Mister Ed; Laugh-In; My Three Sons; Dobie Gillis; The Dick Van Dyke Show; All in the Family; the list goes on.

My all-time favorite is "I Love Lucy." I don't care how many times I've seen an episode, I will watch it another 500 times. I think because there's a little bit of mischief-stirring, goofy Lucy in me. I would TOTALLY get into those situations she got into. Out on a ledge in a Superman suit? It could happen. Dress up as an alien with my best friend and traipse around the Empire State Building? My friends and I have been known to do weirder. Work at a chocolate factory and eat all the chocolate? That is, like, a daily fantasy!

Anyway, because of Nick at Nite, my sister and I really got into "Laugh-In." (See how I'm trying to bring this full-circle here??) That's where I first saw Lily Tomlin, who cracked my 11-year-old ass up every time she did whiny switchboard operator Ernestine, or the stuffed-nose Edith Ann in the oversized rocking chair ("and that's the truth...plbbbbbb"). It's also where I first saw Goldie Hawn, who was mostly known for dancing around with jokes written on her in body paint, or giggling, as wide-eyed blondes in the '60s were wont to do. They also had Ruth Buzzi as Gladys, who was forever whacking the shit out of people with her purse. And who can forget Jo Anne Worley's classic facial expressions (and expert twirling of a feather boa while making outlandish noises) or the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate?

Sigh..."Laugh-In." That show rocked.

Yet, there was another Funk and Wagnalls TV reference. Remember Carnac the Magnificent...the swami that Johnny Carson played? He would divine answers to cards that had been "stored in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls porch since noon." Then he'd open the card and read the question.

Now that I think about it, I don't know that I really liked "Candid Camera" all that much. Maybe it was an Allen Funt thing. He can put you in a Funt funk. Which has nothing to do with Funk and Wagnalls, Johnny Carson, or today's New York Times crossword puzzle.

Speaking of the puzzle, I googled it and Funk's first name is Isaac. I never knew that in the first place. Huh.

Well, at least I'm back to where I started. And I give up on the puzzle.