Things You Learn When You Become a Mom

-"Dry Clean Only"? More like "Will Never Be Able to Wear Again." Sequester said clothes in inaccessible portion of closet.

-An interesting phenomenon can occur when one is deprived of sleep for more than a few days (and by deprived, I'm talking 2-3 hours of sleep a night): a "waking dream." This largely consists of sitting straight up in bed, looking at your husband and clearly saying something urgent and important while searching the bed. Except maybe to said husband, the something urgent and important comes out as a series of frustrated mumbles, and he asks you to repeat two or three times. And then finally you realize you're not dreaming, and you frantically ask "where's the baby?!" while clutching your chest, only to find when you look down that the baby isn't there, and hubby says baby is sleeping in his room next door. Then hubby sees that you're all sweaty and gets you a glass of water while you sort yourself out. Um, but I'm not speaking from experience or anything.

-In the middle of the night, when you have to get up to feed a newborn, it's possible to grab random things from the refrigerator and try to jam them into the bottle warmer. Hilarity ensues.

-Newborn poop looks exactly like French's mustard. Grey Poupon? More like Yellow Poop On... fill-in-the-blank.

-When you sing your baby songs and they have really touching lyrics, you will cry. Baby will look at you in puzzlement while all you can offer as an explanation is "I love you." :) (No, I did not tear up just writing that. I swear...)

-Mommy can feed, rock, cuddle and kiss Baby until the cows come home, but all it takes is one "hi" and smile from Dad to win him over.

-You can end up with the same picture of the same cute expression day after day, because every day it's still cute!

-When babies start smiling in response to things, it's the best thing ever.

-Why, when babies are tired, don't they just go to sleep? Instead they keep themselves awake and then cry when they're overtired. WTH! Simple solution: When tired, study back of eyelids. ;)

More to come...