Another Winner of a Letter

Here's a letter I was faxed today (what you see here is exactly the way it was written/sent):

NO WAY CALIFORNIA SUPREME COURT DECISION LEGALIZING SAME SEX MARRIAGE MAKE AMERICA BEAUTIFUL &STRONGEST NATION IN WORLD
>CALIFORNIA/AMERICA IS STILL ON GODS CREATED EARTH/WORLD NOT ON THE MARS/HELL
>AMERICA SAY WE TRUST IN GOD BUT CALIFORNIA SUREMCOURT JUDGES&BELIVERS OF SAME SEX PEOPLE TRUST IN GOD MEANS TRUST IN GREAT ONE DEVIL.
NOT IN GREAT ONE DEVINE POWER WHO PROVIDE EVERYTHINGS.
>I THOGHT CA SUPREME COURT JUDGES HAVE COLLEGE DEGREE, WHAT KIND COLLEGE DEGREE IS THIS? WHERE NO MORAL, CULTURES, NO FAMILY VALUES UNDERSTAND?
>DUE TO THIS KIND OF JUDGEMENTS &ABUSE OF FREEDOM IN THE WORLD AMERICA NOT GET RESPECTED &APPRICITED. LIKE IN IRAQ AMERICA SPENT BILLIONS OF U.S.$ TO PROTECT &SAVE IRAQIES PEOPLE &SAFETY, PEACE IN MIDDLE EAST/SAUDI ARABIA &ALSO FOR U.S &WORLD"S HUMAN SAFETY.OTHERWISE WORLD CAN SALUTE U.S.A. GIVE NOBLE PEACE PRIZE TO OVER PRSIDENT BUSH &AMERICAN STRONGE BRAVE TROOPS TO FOR THEIR SACRIFICED. I JUST PRAY GOD BLESSED AMERICA.

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I have talked to this guy before and told him I can't spend the time figuring out what the heck he's trying to say. He got mad because I wouldn't write letters for him, and because I told him to get someone to proofread them or help him write them in proper English before he sends 'em to the paper. And frankly, does he have room to talk about judges' college degrees??

I would like a "Noble" Peace Prize, please.

La La La...

My new work computer program crashed about 20 minutes ago and no one on the Help Desk seems to know what to do to restore it. So I'm just sittin' here, twiddling my thumbs and unable to keep budgeting the paper...guess I won't be pitching much of anything in the morning conference call!

Oh yeah, Aida started calling again. She hasn't called in like two years, but suddenly I got two VMs from her yesterday. Here's how they went:

(VM 1)
Ms. Santos? Congratulations, you are finally on tip top, with journilades de veritas, uh, college paper and UST, the (unintelligible) paper, that's the paper. Ms. Santos, this is Aida, daily extra extra and review. Today's paper was safely delivered and anchored, all in unison with HD. And so congratulations again, and uh, as far as the ballroom goes, uh, here in Castro Valley, well, what can you say, I am there with a day spa -- anytime you are ready, I am ready. And, uh, as they say, they had a performance last weekend, well, what can you say. Here in my paradise...Eden Valley paradise garden...PARADISE...my garden is regained. Remember that's way back in 1946, OK? The forum, OK? This is, again, you're up to date, you're on tip top...I'm happy for you. As far as Newsom in San Francisco, well the better of the sex are we, aren't we? Unisex? So, Ms. Santos, or should I say Kim? Congratulations again, you made it up there. Veritas! Ponce de Manila, OK? Bye.

(VM 2)
Holy holy holy God, Heaven and Earth are filled with your glory, Hosanna in the highest. Santos santos santos, holy holy holy. This is Aida, daily extra extra and review. And, uh, as far as Dennis, well I guess what can you say? Uh, he's not alone in signing off, there was a man on board, he was a co-anchor, maybe that was before you were born. Huh? This is the truth. Signing off now, and uh, again, rugel rugel, as they say, in the forum it was noted that they will be presenting last weekend, well again, that was before you were born, 1946, again I repeat. Paradise, here in Eden Valley, paradise lost, paradise regained. I have a weekend to gain (laughs) ... much to gain because I have a weekend for six days, six unisex...unisex...way before you were born. More power to it, more power to it, huh? Flora Santos. Ms. Santos. (laughs) Um, veritas, again, I repeat...it's really, the whole delivery was really good, OK? We are subscribers for three or four newspapers and that's enough for us all around. Plus we have all the facilities here (unintelligible), well, what can you say? Should all acquaintance (lapses into Spanish for a few sentences), well what can you say? Governor Arnold has found different resources to support his economical thing, you got to... (message cuts off)