A Message From Helmut

I just love combing through my spam account at work. Newspapers get, like, 12 times more spam than the average bear. So we each have a spam account at work that weeds it all out for us. Unfortunately, sometimes it weeds out something important, so we have to check it periodically.

Found this gem today:

Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 12:10:01 +0300
From: "Helmut"
To: "Daniel"
Subject: We are seeking for employers

Hello,

We are seeking for full-time and part-time employers.
Currently there is one position opened - Finance Manager.

Requirements:
- 21 years old
- Must have at least one bank account
- Must have mobile phone for full contact

No special skills required.
To appply please check our website and fill in application form and
we'll contact you providing you all details to start your job
immediately.
As for us we promise highly paid position and company-friendly
atmosphere.

Website - www.clarksa.net

---------

Whew! Let's break this one down.

Task 1: Check out Web site. Yes, it's professional-looking. It employs conversational (and correct) English. The impression it gives is definitely not "cardboard box in India."

However, let's read our little spam a little more closely, shall we?

"We are seeking for full-time and part-time employers.
Currently there is one position opened - Finance Manager."

I believe you mean employEES, dear Helmut. If you want someone to work for you, that's probably the most important thing right there. There's a big difference between employERS and employEES, and if you say the wrong one, you've just weeded out half of your target audience. Not only that, but now you have the WRONG target audience. Also, "seeking for" is redudant. If you're seeking something, you're automatically looking FOR it. But we'll just pretend you majored in con artistry, not English, hm?

"Requirements:
- 21 years old
- Must have at least one bank account
- Must have mobile phone for full contact"

Wow, at least 21, huh? Finance manager at Clark S.A. Hmm. Must have at least one bank account? Why? Do you need it for the ol' Nigerian "wire money" trick? Something sounds fishy here...not that it didn't to begin with, mind you. Why dost thou toy with me so, Helmut?! Er, I should say, why dost thou toy with "Daniel" so, Helmut?!

"No special skills required.
To appply please check our website and fill in application form and
we'll contact you providing you all details to start your job
immediately."

Yeah, NSS (no shit, Sherlock) that special skills aren't necessary...you're advertising the job over mass e-mail and the minimum age limit is 21, with a bank account. As they say in Germany, Helmut, "duh." Also, "apply" has just two p's in it. And if all it takes is filling out an online application to receive details for starting the job, I am VERY interested in seeing who applies. Lastly, please learn about the words a, an and the. Then, insert them in the appropriate places. (We'll ignore the double entendre there.)

Poor Helmut. Don't you realize spams like yours are completely transparent?

The scary thing is, some people actually fall for them. Gullible, unite!