TMI

Originally posted Feb. 15, 2006

Yes, Virginia, there is such thing as too much information.

Consider the woman I had the misfortune of standing behind in the checkout line yesterday at Safeway. As the cashier was packing her bags, the woman -- speaking to no one in particular, it seemed -- started rambling about things we would never want to know.

"*sighhhhh* I'm just glad to be near home!" she said. The cashier and I just smiled, trying to be polite. "I can't wait to get all this stuff there. I can't wait to take a shower! Mm mm mm. A shower with hot water!"

Ah jeez, lady, just hurry up...I don't want to hear about your anticipated shower. As if hot water is some kind of new invention, or like you just had it "installed" in your house. Hot water...such a novelty! So fascinating that you want to tell everyone in your local Safeway about it! What next...are you going to talk about being naked in said hot shower? Toweling off after the shower? Throwing on a big fluffy robe and making yourself some eggs? Where's the limit?!

Barf. TMI.

###

Also, consider this e-mail that was broadcasted the other day to EVERYONE in the company. It came from a valid company address that belongs to one of the managers/supervisors in a department I haven't been able to pinpoint yet.

It was 5 p.m. when this popped up in our inboxes:

I got a big fruity tooty booty
don't you all think???
Big boobies

I got a big fruity tooty booty
Shake it like a polaroid picture
BIG DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a big chunky monkey

You can imagine that our response was uncontrollable laughter. And then a string of public comments over e-mail. And then I had to shut the whole thing down so HR could investigate it. I heard two different stories: either it was spam and someone cloned her address, or she walked away from her computer and someone sat down to type and send the message.

Either way, I certainly wouldn't want my name attached to anything fruity, tooty OR booty. Yikes. Poor what's-her-name in the mystery department. I know she exists, because she's listed in the company directory.

And what about the line "big boobies?" That doesn't even make sense. Almost like an afterthought. "Don't you all think??? Big boobies." What about the big boobies? Did you just feel like randomly mentioning them? I'm going to start dubbing this writing form "company haiku."

That being said, what exactly IS a fruity (should it be frooty?) tooty booty? Do they serve it at IHOP? No, wait, they should start serving it at Denny's so you can order it with Moons Over My Hammy!

Ooo...what if you combined them and made Moons Over My Booty?!!

That, ladies and gentlemen, is some marketing genius right there.