Are Y'all Ready For Dis?

It's pretty much a given that at any point in time, there are at least 3.5 good ideas rolling around in my head.

That said, I was walking home from work one day when I started to think about how I like classical music...and how seemingly no one else my age (except my sister) does.

"How could we get kids today to like classical music?" I thought.

And that's when it hit me. Combine it with hip-hop!

Yes, hip-hop has universal appeal! And as demonstrated by my cell phone ring, you can successfully set a Mozart piece to a techno beat. Thus, it is born. My new genre: clip-hop. Or class-hop. I haven't decided yet. But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say here is that Special K is bringin' you the beats of Old Munich. I'm takin' you to West Side Vienna and back. I'm breakin' it down straight Baroque style. I'm gonna get all harpsichord on yo' ass! Are you ready?!

My hip-class movement will feature new buzz words, such as "forte."
Ex.: "How was the wine and cheese party?"
"It was killer forte, no joke!"

And "adagio."
Ex.: "Dude, what's taking you so long?"
"Adagio, my brotha, you want this done right, or you want it done fast?"

I also plan to have an offshoot of the movement in the Bay Area, where classical will combine with hyphy to result in a massive HYPHICAL revolution. My clothing line, Treblemakers Inc., will crank out "I Got Your Bach" T-shirts and gold-plated piano keys for your teeth. We'll even soup up cellos to mount in the trunk of your Escalades, for that bumpin' symphonicalistical sound while you cruise the strip.

I'll take over the airwaves with my new clip-hop reality shows, "Haydn Seek" and "Handel It." Both will be produced by Simon Cowell, in conjunction with the newest American craze, "Classical Idol." Contestants will be required to hum classical songs while performing interpretive hip-hop dance moves. Bonus points if they can play orchestral instruments while singing and dancing. But please, no oboe. Oboe is gay.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed a life-changing creation in process. Clap-hop. It's where it's at. Now go out and propagate. Andante, yo. Andante.