They Just Don't Get It

Originally published June 7, 2006

Continuing my quest to remove our work fax number from unnecessary mailing lists, I called a removal number today and -- after inputting the required information -- got this message:

"Thank you. We will attempt to fax you a written confirmation. You will receive no more faxes from our company after this confirmation has been sent."

OK, first of all, NO, do not fax me a written confirmation. The whole point of me calling a FAX REMOVAL number is not to receive more effing faxes. It's to STOP them. Do you think if I called a Stop Kicking Me in the Head number, I would want you to confirm by kicking me in the head one last time? How 'bout I kick you in the groin? Stop. Sending. Faxes. I wouldn't even care if they were informative, but it's always this garbage about lower interest rates or great prices on bulk printed T-shirts. Hardly the kind of poop a newspaper is interested in.

Second, this isn't the first time I've called this number and gotten this message. Therefore, I want to know a) why this supposed "written confirmation" has never arrived, yet I still continue to get more crap faxes. It's obvious this company is having no problem getting through to our number. So send the confirmation already! Sheesh. ... and b) why is the sending of this confirmation only described as an "attempt?" No, there's no attempting, you either send it or you don't. Me "attempting" to kick you in the groin isn't the same as actually doing it. What if I said I'd "attempt" to send you $1 million? And then you never got it, and you asked me why, and I said it was only an attempt? Attempting implies the possibility of failure. If all the other crappy faxes have been successful at inundating my machine, to the point of where I have to call your apparently undermanned little removal number, then I don't see how an "attempt" at sending confirmation suffices.

As you can see, they just don't get it. Removal = off. No more. Never again. Complete and total absence. Why even pay the money to keep this number going??

This makes me want to scream a nonsense word. FLOOBLES!!!! That's right, people, frickin' floobles. You see what they're doing to me? Sigh.